Written by Dr. Jennifer Nalepa
Today’s Generation of Sport Parents
Today’s generation of parents are different from sport parents in the past. Now, it is more common for parents to have a large role in their child’s sport than in past generations. Today, parents are often referred to as being over-involved and over-protective, having high expectations, constantly putting pressure on their child to perform, and acting as a parent-coach. This role can even lead parents to act inappropriately at their child’s sport events. There are countless examples of this in the news such as high school referees urging parents to ‘cool it’ or making mandatory quiet weekends at a soccer club.
Parents today put importance on being deeply involved with their child’s athletic development and have a need to protect them from failure. Often, we hear of today’s parents as ‘Helicopter Parents’ or “Lawnmower Parents”. Today’s parents often see sport as a vehicle to connect with their child emotionally and want to make the experience as successful as possible for them. Some parents can even fall into the reverse-dependency phenomenon where parents over-identify with the child’s sport experience and begin to define their own self-worth in terms of their child’s success or failures. Becoming too dependent on the child can lead to resentment and even rejection of the child when there is a loss in competition. Negative parent behaviors, such as taking too much control and pushing their child too much, can result from this reverse-dependency.
However, not all parents engage in negative parenting behaviors. Although today’s parents may dedicate more of their time to their child’s sport experience, many do so in a positive manner. For example, many parents focus on the process of improvement, buy-in to the philosophy of the coach, react positively to their child regardless of outcome, and act as a positive role model for their child in terms of attitude and effort. When parents engage in such positive parenting behaviors, they can help shape an environment where their child can thrive and enjoy their sport experience.
To create the best relationship with parents, coaches should focus on collaborating, being transparent, and understanding parent expectations. First, parents have the right to be involved and informed about their child’s experience in sport. By working together with parents and using both groups’ strengths, coaches and parents can create the best experience for the child. Second, coaches should proactively share their philosophy with parents to help them understand the core values and goals of the coach. This will help parents to know what to expect from the coach and gives them an opportunity to voice any concerns. Finally, as the coach has expectations of the parents, the parents also have expectations of the coach. Generally, parents have expectations for players to be treated fairly, the coach to not engage in inappropriate behaviors, criticism of players that is focused on skills rather than the child, consistent communication between coach and parents, and the coach will assist in the holistic growth of the child.
5 Coaching Strategies to Use When Working with Sport Parents
Teach Parents About the Sport
Help parents develop an understanding and appreciation of the sport including rules, skills, and strategies. Answer questions and refer parents to resources that will help them learn more about the sport.
Develop a Code of Conduct for Parents
Develop rules for parent conduct at competitions and events and share the rules with parents at the start of the season. Some example rules are to not interfere with the coach, to express encouragement and support, do not shout criticism, and do not make abusive comments to others.
Establish Two-Way Communication with Parents
Cultivate two-way communication by being open to what parents have to say and try not to be defensive. Let parents know the appropriate times and places for discussions. If a parent is aggressively communicating, try using a mediator such as an athletic director or league official.
Educate Parents on Positive Parenting Behaviors
Let parents know the negative consequences of their actions and show them the positive influence they can have on their child’s development. Also, share your process as a coach and encourage parents to reinforce the same skills you work with your athletes (i.e., independence, being prepared for practice).
Hold a Parent Meeting at the Start of the Year
At this meeting share the details and logistics of the season, the coach roles and responsibilities, appropriate parenting roles and behaviors, and highlight the importance of a healthy parent-coach relationship. Try to encourage open discussions at this meeting by directing questions at parents and allowing parents to ask questions. You may want to hold quarterly meetings as well based on the length of your season.
Jennifer Nalepa is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Kinesiology. She works in the graduate programs in sport coaching and leadership and teaches courses in sport psychology, athlete development, and positive youth development. She conducts research on coach education and athlete development. Jennifer also coordinates the Summer Coaches School, a two day coach education event, at Michigan State University and the Institute for the Study of Youth Sports.