By Kaylena Becker, SAA 2020
Far toooften, student affairs professionals challenge students with the question “welldid you ask for help?” when they, themselves, are not practicing the samevulnerability. We are a part of a “24/7 grind” culture that often dissuade emotionalcourage and when you add in institutional distrust, cultural expectations,power imbalances, and fear of failure, students must work hard to “just ask forhelp”. Helping students navigate the above systems could be an entireguidebook, but I want to talk about modeling vulnerability and demonstratingthe practice of asking for help as a student affairs professional.
Asa first-generation student and scholar, I grew up with a survival of thefittest attitude. At home, my two competitive brothers and busy single mom fosteredmy independence. At school, I was surrounded by friends whose families werecollege-educated, which meant I had to learn quickly and rely on myself. To avoid further burdening our mom, asking forhelp was not something my brothers and I did. I carried this mentality with me intomy adult life, however, I have begun to unlearn some of these habits andexercise my vulnerability more often.
Throughmy various roles in student affairs and a set of very supportive friends, Ihave developed the skills and confidence to ask for help. Is it stillnerve-racking every time I ask a friend for a hug or tell my supervisor I needto verbally process something? OF COURSE! But each time I have the courage toask for what I need, it is received with support, and in turn, helps me buildthe confidence to communicate with those close to me.
I have learned to incorporate vulnerability into my everyday practice. For example, when students ask me “how are you?”, rather than giving the easy answer of “fine,” I promote vulnerability by sharing how I am actually doing. By authentically sharing, students can see that I am not just a professional, but someone they can relate to. Another way I demonstrate vulnerability is by welcoming uncertainty. When my supervisees ask me complex questions, I am comfortable saying “I don’t know,” rather than giving them an answer that might lead them astray. As a supervisor, I often feel I need to have the solution to every problem, but I have learned that not knowing is okay. This role modeling of vulnerability establishes an environment in which my students feel comfortable asking for help.
My journey with vulnerability has often been challenging but extremely rewarding. The Student Affairs Administration at Michigan State University course material, faculty, and my graduate assistantship have empowered me to exercise my value of vulnerability in my daily practice. I will continue implementing vulnerability throughout my student affairs career.